THE WHITE HOUSE
Monday, January 15, 2018, 5:57 a.m.
Dear Real American Followers!
I was going to try to finally spend a day on the golf course doing some well deserved golfing, but instead I have decided to right an Emergency Very Important Letter to you to celebrate Marten Luther King Day and, much more importantly, to ram home the fact to all ignorant Americans across the entire planet that I am not a racist.
I am sick and tired of everybody calling my a racist. I am the least racist person maybe in the world and that the Washington D.C. has ever scene. In fact I have invented a quote that I believe proves this terrifically important point.
“Racism is in the hallowed eyes of the patriots of many, many terrific colors who open them to the cloudy days of darkness and light in our hours of stupendous, abundant, and awesome neediness. May all the men walk around in piece, prosperity and as much good will as possible to the black, white and yellow women.” -DONALD J. TRUMP
I want you to think about that one, folks. I actually wrote that while lying in bed last night watching reruns of Fox and Friends. Next week I will be introducing legislation on Rose’s Garden to build and erect a great statue of me saying those hollowed words.
But let’s not stop all this piece and love right here, folks. While the bigoted DACCA is completely dead and will never be considered as long as I grace the rolling White House lawn, I am sure there are other ways to make things more fair for the hardworking people again, who are mostly white, while also making things somewhat fair for the people who come from those other outside countries that have nothing to offer anybody but themselves. The ones we are all bailing out gracefully and without molesting them. Notice what I didn’t say there, folks. Notice it. It’s what my Republican friends don’t recall me saying anymore because they know I would never, ever, ever say them in the first place. They thought about it and said, no, certainly doesn’t sound like him. No way he would ever say that. But let me just say this, if I did say it, it wouldn’t have been so bad, OK? But I’m glad they don’t think I did. That’s important.
As for Marten Luther King, I just want to say he was a great man. I mean as great as a man like that can be. I don’t think anybody marched as much as him, I’ll say that for him. But this is very, very important, folks, because you have to keep moving. I have done this my whole life. I don’t call it marching because that is overly dramatic, and as you no I am a very, very humble man. I just move around all the time, though. Now that I think of it, that must account for my great physical strength and conditioning. That and all the moving around I do in other places, if you know what I mean. I’m kidding! I’m kidding! Relax. It’s a holiday for crying out loud. And just so you no, it wouldn’t have been a holiday if white people didn’t agree to it. Think about that one, folks. Think about that one …
I also want to thank Marten Luther King for trying to be friends with many, many other white people. Before he came along black people didn’t even try to be friends with white people. They just marched aimlessly around, while not getting much done. Marten marched and talked to white people, which is very, very important. This is like me. If you notice I always try to get black people at my terrifically important speeches. It’s important that people think they support me. I do this for unity. But not too much unity. Not too much … Too much unity means everybody thinks the same thing. We must think differently sometimes. I am not sure anybody thinks more differently than I do.
OK, I don’t want to go on and on about this. I think the rest of the day you should march or walk around and look at your reflection. That’s what I plan to do, folks.
Happy Marten Luther King Day. May God Bless the Fruited Plane,
Donald J. Trump