THE WHITE HOUSE
July 1, 2017, 3:52 a.m.
To the Millions who Support me and the Thousands who Don’t,
First off, I just want to say I am very, very angry, and not at all happy this week, folks. I want you to think about that … I want you to think about how that makes me feel …
You might remember — and I have been told I have over 200 billion people reading my important letters around the world — that I was very happy, not at all sad, last week. Last week was one of the best week’s any president has ever had. Even President Franklin never had a week that good, believe me. The week he discovered electricity with a kite was very good, but he wasn’t president then. So it doesn’t count.
Anyway … This week I have been under attack by the fake, lying, stinking, god-awful media, and even a few gutless members of my own party. The same party that can’t get a lousy, awful healthcare bill through Congress. I mean how hard is that? Even a not so great businessmen could ram that turd through. Well, they are on thin ice with me. I am starting to understand why people hate Mitch McConnell. I mean, I always understood it. He looks like a turtle and acts like a stinking rat. And, yes, I realize his wife, Erin, works somewhere in my organization, but I am confident she knows what a lowlife her husband is. He is very, very week. Not strong like me. She knows this, I’m sure. I can tell the way she looks at me. Oriental women have a thing for me, anyway. It makes Marla furious. And I also think this shows that I appoint women to powerful positions. So keep that in mind, lying, stinking, fake media.
Anyway, I was all set to invite everybody in the Senate up to Mar-a-Lago for drinks and shrimp and fancy cheese on the Golden Patio over the 18th hole, (where, by the way, I have made nine hole in ones) to celebrate during the long 4th of July weekend. I had 67 Hispanic caterers all lined up to serve everybody whatever they wanted. I was going to pay them $15 an hour, too. So suck on that, Bernie. Now? Forget it. They can all go off to those God-awful states like Alabama and Kansas and New Orleans and just screw themselves. I hope they get destroyed in their town meetings trying to sell that crap bill. They deserve it. Loooooosers.
I warned you I am not pulling punches this week. I am dangerous and punching back. Like I ALWAYS do. My father, Fred, used to say, “Donny? It amazes me nobody has knocked your head off yet.” Well, as you can imagine that meant a lot to me. I am a fighter, and my head is still very much detached on my neck. He’d be proud of that. Very.
And let me just say this about Mika. I was completely taken out of context with that tweet. I wasn’t being mean. Of course I understand women’s faces bleed. I applaud it. If you are an ugly broad, and it isn’t your fault, I salute you for trying to look better. Any good wife would do this. All of mine have. Their faces didn’t bleed as much as Mika’s but they did look pretty horrible for a while. And I didn’t complain about it. They just heeled up in the dark of their bedrooms in peace, and I did my own thing. Golfing probably. I hope this clears that up. I really can’t believe anybody was THAT offended about it. Snowflakes, plain and simple.
The other important thing that happened this week was that fake news story about me and the Times magazine covers. I really don’t now wear they came from, but would guess it was Eric’s work. Look, he’s just a kid trying to kiss his father’s ass. And why wouldn’t he want to kiss my ass? I used to kiss my father’s ass a lot, too. He gave me $10 million just to stop. He used to say, “Donny, someday bribing you won’t even work.” Did he know me or what?! Same thing for Eric hanging up all those pictures. And by the way, what he put on those covers was completely accurate, so actually he did nothing wrong. But, again, the lying, stinking, fake media banged away at it like a bunch of monkeys with a bongo.
Finally, I want to address Russia: I am sorry you have had to be put threw all this thanks to the lying, stinking fake media over here. Of course you, unlike us, are smart enough and brave enough not to put up with this kind of conduct over there, which is one of the reasons I support you, as you know. Any “journalist” who steps over the line is shot or jailed. Your courage in dealing with these liars is inspiring to me. I just want you to know, the hundreds of millions who support me over here, support you over there. We stand with you. Thank you for your service in the never-ending fight against the lying, stinking, fake, god-awful media.
You know, I am actually starting to feel better. The great writers like me always said the same thing. They would right not for anybody else but themselves, just to make them feel better. Maybe you should try this, too, but I doubt you’d feel as good about yourself as I do right now. In fact, don’t try it. Leave the great writing to people like me.
So while I am feeling better than you, maybe I should end this important letter and wish you a long, prosperous 4th of July Weekend. As President Franklin used to say after ringing his cracked bell in New York, “Let freedom ring.”
-Donald J. Trump