THE WHITE HOUSE
Saturday, March 10, 2018, 4:43 a.m.
Dear American Patriots!
First, I just want to apologize for not writing a Very Important Letter to you for a terrifically, terrifically long time. As you know I have been busier than any other president in history, especially Obama, so I don’t have as much time as I’d like to write important letters. As you can imagine this is extraordinarily, stupendously tough on me because as you also no I no all the best words and use them better than anybody else except maybe President Franklin, who was a very good orallist, but wasn’t much for putting words in writing. He also spent a lot of time discovering electricity which was no small thing, so I give him a lot of credit for that. Maybe even more than I should.
So today, before I begin my trip to the great state of Pennsylvania to campaign for John Sacramento for the open Senate seat there, I have some welcome free time so I wanted to right to you and let you know I am OK, and still working very, very hard to make America even greater than it was yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that, and the day before that. And it was already pretty great before that, so think about that and how great America is write now.
As you know Korea is on its way to becoming America’s 51st state. I was told I shouldn’t type this to you because nobody nose it yet. But now you know it first, and I think that is very important. You should no things before other people do. Little Rocket Man doesn’t know this either, but now he does and I am sure it will be a terrific, wonderful surprise to him. Imagine what it will be like for North Korea to become part of America. A lot of people think North Korea is a shithole country. Well, I don’t folks. I don’t. Koreans are normally very well behaved and dress pretty well. Yes, they eat dogs from time to time but that is really the only bad thing you can say about them, and I don’t like dogs anyway, so who cares.
Otherwise, they don’t do really anything wrong and are very good with computers. We need more people who are good with computers in this country. The more people we have who are good with computers, the better. This is a proven fact. I also want to thank them for being so nice to Ivanka while she was organizing the Olympics, which were the most successful Olympics on record outside the United States. But because they will be the 51st state they technically won’t be outside the United States anymore.
I think this also shows again that I don’t need the Exterior Department to run affairs in The Overseas. Rex has been doing his best, but I have to admit I am little tired of bailing him out all the time. I am told we have about 2.9 million people in the Exterior Department, which is just too many, folks. Imagine how many people we could shove back into the clean coal mines in West Virginia and Tennessee if we got rid of some of those jobs in the Department of the Exterior and put that money into digging clean coal mines. We simply must concentrate on our interior more, especially because it is obvious I am controlling the Exterior. I am just one person doing what 2.9 million people have been doing for decades. Think about this. It is pathetic.
My father Fred used to say to me all the time, “Donny, I have to give you credit, I have never seen one kid single-highhandedly cause as much commotion and mayhem as you do all by yourself. It’s really incredible.”
Well, as you can imagine, that has always meant a lot to me.
Before I head to Pennsylvania to campaign for Joe Scaramucci, I just wanted to touch on a couple of other things.
First, I am sick and tired of hearing about Stormy Daniels in the lying, fake, disgusting, awful, demented fake news. I never even met Stormy Daniels except for maybe once, folks. Somehow there is a photo of me with her that I don’t even remember. That’s how much Stormy Daniels meant to me. I don’t even remember taking a picture with her! To think that I paid her $130,000 for a picture I don’t remember is ludicrous, OK? Why would I do that?? Nobody would do that, that’s who. No-body.
I am not happy that Sarah didn’t put all this to rest in the daily news conferences she gives on behalf of me. I am glad she has stepped up her game, though. I think you can see she looks a lot better (well, as good as she could ever look) now that she has cut down on her eating. She is also using Hope Hicks wardrobe team to dress her up before her news conferences. She’ll never look as good as Hope, but at least she won’t look like she used to, which was very hard on me. Imagine having somebody who looks like that say all your words for you. It was little embarrassing for a while there, but I stuck with her, because I love women, and think they should all have a chance in this country. Even ones that don’t like Hope and Melania. Well, nobody can look as good as Melania. Nobody. I love her so much … so, so much.
I also wanted to take the lying, fake, stupid, confounding, rediculous, stupendously boring news media to task for their continued coverage of this Russian which hunt. For the last time: I have had nothing to to with Russia. I can’t even remember if I was ever there. I mean except for hosting beauty pageants. Hosting beauty pageants is NOT illegal folks. People are just jealous because they can’t go to Russia to host beauty pageants. Who wouldn’t want to go to Russia and host beauty pageants if they had a chance?? Nobody that’s who. So Mueller is trying to prove that hosting beauty pageants is illegal. How pathetic. Why would he do this? I’ll tell you why, because he is a weak, scared liberal who has never done anything important in his little, little life. And if you don’t believe me, watch Fox News. In fact, everybody should watch Fox News. And this might just happen if I get an important bill through congress, which should be no problem because as you no, congress does whatever I want them to. But that’s all I am going to say about this for now.
I am glad I finally got a chance to right a Very Important Letter to you again. Please wish me luck in Pennsylvania today, but don’t worry because I will be back in Mar-a-Lago tomorrow.
Donald J. Trump