Trump Touts Memory, Clean Water; Rips ‘Me-First’ Women in Very Important Letter

Now where was I …?
Oh yeah, I want to talk very quickly about the women’s soccer team and the girl with the pink hair who has tried to completely destroy my life and has been very, very mean and not very nice to me in public.

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When a Coastal Elite Walks Into a Bar and Trips Over Midwestern Values …

“I figured after eight years of peace and quiet, I’d give a white guy with big ideas a chance to get our voice back in the room,” he says. “Besides, as you well know, Hillary just couldn’t be trusted.”

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Trump Uses Very Important Letter to Discuss ‘Proportionate’ Battle Tactics

Come to think of it, I am even more proportionate than Abraham Lincoln, who let’s face it, folks, was a little over-proportionate when he sent Sherman tanks into Atlanta after the Civil War to burn it to the ground. That was not proportionate, OK? Sorry, Abe, just calling it like I see it.

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Trump Defends Kellyanne, Thanks Sarah, Warns Hicks in Very Important Letter

I also want to say right here and right now I will not be firing Kellyanne for hatching any acts. It’s her job to hatch acts!! She hatches things all the time around here and most of them are very clever.

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In Very Important Letter, Trump Offers Glimpse of Trip to ‘The Overseas’

In his Very Important Letter Saturday, Donald Trump provided an astonishing look at his historic trip ‘to The Overseas’ and ‘great day at the beach’ in Normandy.

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Dear Madam Speaker, You Were Made for This Moment, and it is Time to Impeach

Now we are holding our breath and tapping our feet, while Trump continues to burn it all down. He doesn’t follow laws, he eviscerates them. He doesn’t tell the truth, he batters it. He doesn’t love this country, he loathes it. It is time to impeach this awful man.

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In Closed-Door Meeting With Mueller Dems Drop Incredibly Strong Impeachment Hints

(EXCLUSIVE: We have obtained the transcripts of what a closed-door meeting between high-ranking Democrats and Robert Mueller would sound like. We are sorry to report there is virtually no offensive language.)

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BREAKING NEWS: Donald Trump Destroys Satire

Trump’s performance in the Rose Garden was so pathetic, so unhinged and so completely over the top, a 100-year wilt began and the poor, poor roses needed to immediately be replanted someplace warmer, like Helsinki.

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Lindsey Graham, the GOP and Their 313-lb., Orange Cyst

Trump should have been some dirt-cheap one-off, who Republicans quickly saw was every bit as dangerous and unfit in action as he had proved over a tortuous campaign to be in words. Bare minimum, they could have proved to be the check on his imbalance and thwarted most of his rotten, incendiary impulses.

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