Before They Die, Trump Hopes Old People Will Scream at Kids to Vote For Him

With lives literally on the line, Donald Trump has been displaying a dynamic brand of leadership never before seen literally anywhere — ever. I mean, EVER.

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In Powerful Letter, Trump Destroys Public Servants, Presidents Who Came before Him

Donald Trump used his Presidents Day letter to eviscerate the presidents who came before him, including Lincoln who freed the slaves, and gave us Obama.

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Angry Trump Uses Important Letter to Say Yer Welcome to Thankful Alabama

Because I have been busy guarding Alabama from hurricanes, striking fear into the Taliban, and dealing with the awful, no-nothing, Secretary of the Exteriors Michael Bolton, I have not written you a Very Important Letter in two weeks.

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Trump Reassures America that Mar-a-Lago Will be Safe From Hurricane

Many, many people have told me that blowing up hurricanes with nuclear bombs is a brilliant idea, and that they can’t believe I could possibly even come up with it. So in the future when we are blowing up hurricanes with nuclear bombs, you can remember who never said it first but could have if he wanted.

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With Everything on the Line, This is No Time for a Very Nice but Average Joe

Hell, damn near everybody likes Joe. He’s like the friendly neighbor up the street who always keeps his yard clean, waves as you walk by and is a helluva Little League coach. I respect Joe. He has spent his life as a public servant and while he has been on the wrong end of some pretty consequential calls in my opinion, I never questioned his heart or love of this country.

Those last two qualities right there should have disqualified Trump four decades ago.

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Trump Blasts Mueller for Not Ejaculating him, Warns Pelosi in Very Important Letter

And listen, Americans, my God, Vlad assured me in Helsinki they had nothing to do with our elections. I told everybody this in a powerful speech I gave while I was over there in Norway. That should have been the end of it right there. But, no, the lying, stinking, fake media had to keep reporting about it so that Mueller wouldn’t ejaculate me.

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Dear Madam Speaker, You Were Made for This Moment, and it is Time to Impeach

Now we are holding our breath and tapping our feet, while Trump continues to burn it all down. He doesn’t follow laws, he eviscerates them. He doesn’t tell the truth, he batters it. He doesn’t love this country, he loathes it. It is time to impeach this awful man.

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Republicans are the Only Things That Disgust America More Than Trump

The notion Trump gives a single shit about our country or even his party should have been completely extinguished in Helsinki when it was clear to anybody with working eyes and ears that he was, as Clinton warned us, “Putin’s puppet.”

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PRESIDENTS’ DAY EXCLUSIVE: Carter, Clinton, Bush, Obama Dish on Life in WH, Trump

On the cusp of Presidents’ Day, our four former living presidents sat down for a candid chat. What they said, and their complete candor, might surprise you …

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