Trump Takes Offense at Women Who Don’t Like Embracing, Lashes out at Unfair Time Change

destephens Uncategorized , , , ,

Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin met in their pajamas and had a long embrace on Saturday. Trump made it clear that embracing Putin was important and that women should like embracing more than they do.

THE WHITE HOUSE

Saturday, November 1, 2017, 5:19 a.m. Vietnam Time

First, I just wanted to interrupt my history-making trip to The Overseas and use this Very Important Letter to say congratulations to all the veterans out there! I know this is a big day for you. Not many people get their own day, but veterans do, so they are very lucky. If you are a veteran, you are also very lucky you are still alive, so you might consider feeling just a little bad today, because you get to enjoy this day while other veterans are dead. I want you to think about that one. If I were a veteran I would feel bad about it. But that’s just me, folks. That’s just me …

I also want to clear up some things that happened this week. It seems like every time I go to The Overseas all hell breaks loose in America. I can’t be around all the time to keep things calm as you know. So I am going take an itemized approach to addressing all the awful things that happened while I was in The Oversea being adored by the Oriental people. And they do love me folks. Every where I go they bow, and make sure my water glass is always filled to the brim. It is amazing. I think they want me to stay.  But then I couldn’t fix everything that is wrong in America.

And I just have to say that the fact these people live 12 and 13 and 14 and 15 and 16 hours ahead of the rest of the world puts America at a disadvantage. I will be working to change that when we get back to Washington. I mean why should they be in front of us by 12 and 13 and 14 and 15 and 16 hours all the time? They already know what is going to happen before us all the time!  The least we could do is share. Sometimes we would be ahead, sometimes they would be — but not quite as much as us. This is obviously something else Obama screwed up. How did he let them lead time all the time?! I haven’t addressed this with our Oriental friends, but I think they know I am  a little angry about something. One of the little, black-haired  leaders, I can’t remember which one, asked why I always look like I am so mad about everything. Well, I wanted to spit on him, but to be honest I held it all in and didn’t give anything away. But I am telling you now, folks, we are going to be moving ahead of them in time. Just you watch.

OK, now I want to itemize all the problems that have been going on since I traveled over here to The Overseas …

If I had been in the White House Tuesday, there is no way Virginia’s election goes to the Democrats. I could have a given a great, great speech, threatened to shoot somebody in the middle of 5th Avenue and hollered for Hillary to be locked up already. Then you can bet people would have turned out to vote for Galepsy, even though he didn’t embrace me all the time. I think it is now obvious to everybody what happens when you don’t embrace me.  Ivanka embraces me all the time and look how great things have turned out for me. You get my point?

And  speaking about embracing Ivanka, which as you know is very important to me, I want to talk about Roy Moore. I don’t know Roy Moore, but I did want the other guy who ran against him to win in the primaries. But then Steve told me I actually wanted Roy Moore to win, so I am very happy as always that I picked the right guy to win. I pick the right guy to win without even knowing sometimes, folks.  My father, Fred, used to say to me, “Donny, you couldn’t pick your nose much less the right thing to do.” Well, as you can imagine, that has always meant a lot to me.

I would not have picked Galespy by the way. He was weak on everything, and didn’t embrace me. But as I said before it doesn’t matter anymore. Roy Moore is embracing me just like I would embrace Ivanka, and that is all that matters. And I want to talk about all these women that have been coming out and saying they have been abused. I think they are confusing abusing with embracing.  This is a very common mistake women make and I have been victimized myself by it many, many times. And quite unfairly, if I don’t say so myself. If I am embracing a woman, I am not necessarily abusing her. I mean, I could abuse her if I wanted to, but I never would do that. I would just hold them there for a while and do nothing. And they all liked it. Trust me.

And I really want you to think about this because obviously nobody else has: So far we’ve heard about maybe 22 or 23 women who come mostly from Hollywood to complain about being abused. Now think about all the women in the world. What, there must be at least 17 million other women in the world. Maybe more. And only 22 or so have complained about being abused?!! See what I mean, folks? So let’s stop worrying about 22 women and start worrying about taking our country back. Which I will be doing when my trip to The Overseas is over.

Oh, and one other thing, I did meet with Vlad Putin this morning which would have been last night for you — so, so unfair. Anyway, we embraced each other. While we were embracing, he assured me that they did not hack our election. He also said he wanted Hillary to win, but because of the superiors campaign I ran, she still lost. But I still embraced him anyway, because this is what strong men do. They embrace each other no matter what. I want you to think about that.

Happy Veterans Day (but please do the decent thing and be at least a  little bit sad.)

Donald J. Trump

 

Written By

destephens

Lived everywhere. Started in Africa, then to America, then to Europe, then ... back to America, which lately seems to pride itself in going back. Almost made it 30 years in print journalism, before it all went bad. Really? Don’t think things are bad, eh? Who’s your new president, pal? How did that happen? Because it all went bad.

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