THE WHITE HOUSE
July 15, 2017, 4:49 a.m.
Good Morning to all Faithful Supporters of Me Everywhere!
Before I tackle some very, very big, not very small issues in this important weekly letter I want to ask you a very serious question: How in the hell am I supposed to get rid of your healthcare and get you back working in the coal mines if all I ever have to do is defend my son and family all the time?
Please, I really, really need you to think about that.
This is very, very unfair to me. Nobody has ever had to defend their family as much as I have. And do you know if it wasn’t for the lying, stinking, fake, awful New York Times I’d be free as a bird to fly to great heights of leadership in the realm of captain of your liberty ship. I think you can tell France really, really rubbed off on me this week, folks. They are great, great people in France and I think they really, really like me. I can tell. I made a strong impression on them during my latest trip to the Overseas. I have also been told that nobody, not even President Franklin, had so much success in that great, great country. I also very much, and not a very little, appreciate Ambassador Macron’s extremely skinny wife. She is even skinnier than my wife, which is very skinny. Plus, she is blonde, and I think you know by now how much I admire that. It’s not easy being skinny and blonde in this country. It is far easier in France, which is another reason I love that place. I already can’t wait to go back.
But I better get back to my initial, very important point which was Russia-does-not-matter. Got that? Let me tell you something. For a guy who could shoot one of you in the middle of 5th Avenue and get away with it, my restraint on this issue has been amazing. Just amazing. Who cares how many people were in that stupid meeting? I’ll tell you who cares, the lying, stinking, fake, awful pathetic New York Times that’s who. And do you know why they care? Ratings. Simple. But many of you are too stupid to realize that. You think they do it to get on TV. No. Getting on TV these days is easy. Especially for me. But not the lying, awful Times. No. They just keep digging things up and figuring it will make a difference and get them on TV. It won’t. Believe me, folks. Nobody has been shot yet.
So now I want you to listen to me even more: Donny Jr. is a very good, transparent boy. He’s wide open. Many, many times, we had to tell him to put his clothes back on. It wasn’t time for another bath, either. And he wasn’t even dirty, which was amazing. He was just being transparent, because that is how he is. There is nothing wrong with being transparent.
Does he lie a little? Of course he does. Everybody lies. You show me somebody who doesn’t lie and I’ll show you a person you can’t trust. Think about that. My father Fred used to always say to me, “Donny, don’t worry, nobody will ever trust you.” Well, as you can imagine that meant a lot to me.
Donny has always been one of the best little boys I ever knew. And I know a lot. Eric is not quite as a good, but it doesn’t matter because Eric isn’t in on this stuff with Russia. As far as I know, anyway. And you’ll notice Melania hasn’t been mentioned yet. Well, what does that tell you? Two out of three of my kids haven’t even been mentioned yet. Wait, either has what’s his name. The little one who lives with his mother. Ummm … Anyway, never mind it’s not important. Now maybe you can understand why I enjoy hugging Melania so much. It’s because she hardly ever gets mentioned, but she deserves it, believe me. In France she would be much more appreciated being skinny and blonde and all.
You know, Rince said it best, Russia is a nothing burger. Ha! I LOVE that! And I love burgers, so I know what he was getting at. Rince had a very, very good week. When I find him I plan on telling him that. And Little Paul also did well. Little Paul understands that I one the state of Wisconsin in a landslide and supporting me is very, very important. So of course he’s not talking about Russia. And there’s not many coal mines in Wisconsin he can shove people in. He just believes in what I am doing and wishes Russia would go away.
Now I won’t go that far, I don’t want Russia to go away because I have a very strong connection with Vlad. I call him Vlad because I can and he lets me. He calls me Mr. President because he is a very respectful, and something the disgusting, lying, fake New York Times could learn.
I also want you to know I am typing this letter very fast today because there is a tournament for girls on my golf course in N.J. today. It is there most important girls tournament, the U.S. Open. Obviously I am “open” to having women playing golf on my courses even if they aren’t wearing any skirts and even sometimes pants! Unlike Little Paul I don’t have a dress code for women on my golf courses, or anywhere really. I used to tell the girls in my beauty pageants they didn’t need to worry about what they wore, but the less the better because like Macron’s wife, I think they didn’t need to where very much to keep me interested. Anyway, after I am done staring at the women on my golf course, I hope to get out and play myself because I haven’t played in a weak and after bringing world peace to Paris I deserve it, don’t you think folks?
But back to Russia. I am sick of this story and in the strongest terms possible am ordering the awful, pathetic, lying fake New York Times to back off. Nobody cares, I think that is obvious. Do you no my approval ratings according to one poll has me locked in the mid-80s despite this pathetic story? And I don’t care about polls as you know, but this poll is a significant one and one Rince told me I should pay attention to. Rince is right and I plan to tell him that when I find him.
So I want you to have as a good a weekend as I am planning to have. I mean, I know you can’t because you aren’t me, but maybe you can cook some nice nothing burgers on the grill and know that your president is working hard to shove you back in the coal mines. I also have a feeling you will have a big surprise on healthcare by the end of the week. With God’s help you won’t have to worry about having healthcare anymore, and can just use the emergency rooms for free like you used to.
Donald J. Trump