THE WHITE HOUSE
July 22, 2017, 4:23 a.m.
First, I want to tell you this morning that I am still devastated that millions and millions of people still have healthcare thanks to Mitch McConnell and the do-nothing weaklings in the Senate. I mean how hard is it to kill Obamacare???? You just vote, no — or yes. Whatever! You just do whatever is necessary to kill this stinking Obamacare, do you hear me, Mitch?!?! Then we move onto taxes.
Instead they just sit there and call off votes. I am told Republican women in the Senate are to blame for this, which doesn’t surprise me a bit. I mean why would a woman become a Republican in the first place? Go ahead, try to answer that question.
You can understand, I’m sure, that this has been incredibly, incredibly hard on me. People say I need a win. I don’t need a win. I am already a little tired of all this winning to tell you the truth. Nobody has one as much as I have during the first six months of this historic presidency. This is why I plan to hit the golf course later on to relax a little from all this winning. Although I do win a lot on the golf course, too. I’m sure you can understand that. Tiger Woods used to tell me that if hadn’t inherited all this money I could have one millions playing golf. I’m sure that’s true but then I wouldn’t have gone onto be the most successful president in history.
I also want to continue to wish John McCain the best, though this has gone on a little long. I don’t have a lot a respect for people who don’t heal quickly. But John’s not in as good a shape as I am, so I guess I understand it. Get better, John, Squishy Mitch needs a backbone.
I also hope you are pleased with the bold move I made to make Sean Spicer resign. Sean turned out to be a dope and could never get my words right, which is why my approval ratings aren’t as high as they should be. Somebody said they slipped into the mid-80s, so I had to make a bold, strategic move. The kind of moves I have made during my incredibly successful life.
I think you will be pleased with Tony Scarapucci. I’ve known Tony for many years, but more on him and this important relationship later in this important letter.
I think Tony and Sarah Huckster Sanders form a formidable, great, terrific team. I hope you notice that by hiring Susan it’s clear I will put not-so-attractive women in positions of power. I know this has been an unfair, mean criticism of me, but clearly by giving something that looks like that a big job, the mean criticism will go away. Thank you in advance for making it go away.
Of course the most important thing that happened this week was my pardoning of Jeff Sessions. Even though Jeff should have never excused himself from my administration, I forgive him. It’s true had I known he was going to admit meeting with Russians on innocent issues I would have never picked him for that job. I most likely would have picked Chris Christie, who I think right now could use another job anyway. Chris was very loyal to me on the campaign trail, but had trouble taking no for an answer. Besides, have you ever sat down for a meal with that guy? You could feed half of Haiti with what’s on his plate. But he knows the law, and how to make things sound like the truth a lot better than Jeff. But Jeff supported me early on the way to my landslide victory over crooked Hillary, so I will continue to put up with him for now. He needs to start being far more loyal to me quickly, though.
My father, Fred, used to say to me, “Son, the only way you will get any loyalty is if you demand it.” Well, as you can imagine that meant a lot to me.
And what would a weekly letter from me be without defending all of my great family, even the little one who lives with his mother, but mostly, Donny Jr. The fake, lying, mean, incredibly evil media has been incredibly hard on Donny. Once he found out there were five people in that meeting, he said so. Once he found out there were six people in that meeting, he said so. Once he found out there were seven people in that meeting, he said so. Once he found out there were eight people in the meeting, he said so. Every single time he remembered somebody else was in that meeting he said so!!!
Listen to me, who knows how many people were in that meeting?! Who cares?! I’ll tell you who cares: the lying, fake, disgusting New York Times, that’s who.
And let me tell you more about that New York Times interview I graciously granted them this week. I had them eating out of my hands, folks. It was clear they didn’t understand a thing about my fair, polite healthcare bill. They kept asking me stupid questions because they did not understand it. Can you believe that folks? They actually kept asking me questions to explain something THEY didn’t understand. Who does this????? I’ll tell you who does this: the lying, stinking, fake news media, that’s who.
But who cares at this point. I’m sure Tony will get control of this in a big, not slow, fast hurry. I also think you got a taste of Tony’s charm. I used to watch him effortlessly screw people on Wall Street and thought to myself, now there’s a guy who I would be proud to call a son. But I have too many sons already. I really wish I had more Ivankas around. Maybe seven, for everyday of the week. I would bug them so much. More than a little, I’ll tell you that, folks. I would be very, very lucky.
But I am already very, very lucky. I am closing the most successful six months in the history of presidents. Every day I am getting more and more done despite what the lying, fake, awful news media is telling you.
I am also lucky that I can get rid of Robert Mueller anytime I want to. Every time I hire another lawyer they tell me the same thing: You are President of the United States, you can do whatever you want to do. Well, I don’t do everything I want to do folks, because I want some other people to do some things, two. I am not a hog. Like Chris. Sorry, Chris, you know I love you, but you have to stop eating so much.
I appreciate your support, America, and hope you continue to understand how hard all this has been on me.
-Donald J. Trump