THE WHITE HOUSE
Saturday, May 19, 2018, 6:17 a.m.
Dear Americans Who Are Especially Loyal to Me:
Like you, I am sick and tired of people shooting our children in school. This has been very, very hard on me as you can imagine. Every time I try to get something done like bring piece on earth, a bunch of kids get shot in school. But when I think about it, I suppose I was very lucky nobody ever shot my children, so at least there is that to lean on and help me through my deep time of grief, sorrow and misery. Of course my kids weren’t shot because they were armed to the hilt. People knew my kids would shoot literally anything like giraffes and zebras and lions, so they were very scared of them and knew they better not shoot them because they would shoot back. I think you can say there is a terrific lesson there, besides the fact I was a great, great father. I do think there will be an opportunity for my kids to take a bullet for me soon, though, but that is another story, and I distress …
I know not everybody has kids who are armed with the finest, most lethal weapons available at Walmart and have the terrific opportunity to shoot animals in Africa, but if you ever get the chance to shoot animals in Africa you should take it. Despite all the shithole countries there, Africa is actually a pretty super place. And it is very cheap to do business there. There are also all kinds of animals running around there, and they really don’t mind being shot, despite what you hear from the evil Democrats, who want you to feel sorry for the animals instead of our hardworking gun owners in this country, who just want good jobs in coalmines, safe, clean churches and plenty of guns to protect themselves. It is disgraceful they are being denied these things by the Democrats, folks. Just disgraceful ….
But that’s not the point of this Very, Very Important Letter today. The point is I am going to expose landbreaking legislation to stop children from being shot anymore. I want to make it clear right from the start this will not have anything to do with children in the inner-cities who shouldn’t live in those places to begin with. It is their parent’s fault they put these kids in that awful position, and I can’t help that. Either can you, so don’t bother trying. Remember that. It is really, really sad parents put their kids through all that. These children could be living on farms and shooting deer or something. Instead they spend all their time running around the streets shooting each other. This is all Obama’s fault, who had eight years to fix this and did nothing as you know. Instead he just fake-cried all the time, so people would feel sorry for him. So pathetic …
Because of my Christian values, I was cleaning my golf clubs and praying last night about what to do about all the children being killed in school. After watching Sean’s show, I decided to take bold steps. In the coming days I want to expose a landbreaking proclamation that will take the form of the Ten Commandments. This plan will concentrate on stopping innocent white kids from being shot in our schools. And I know this isn’t politically correct to say, but let’s face it, folks, it mostly is white kids who are being shot and killed in our schools which is so, so unfair to white people, and to me a little bit because as you know, nobody cares for the white people more than I do. How can they expect me to be reelected if my future voting base is being shot in schools before they are even old enough to vote? Think about that one, folks. Think about that one … So, so unfair …
And haven’t our white children put up with enough misery in this country thanks to Obama and Hillary? Now they are being shot in our schools like they lived in our inner-cities?! This is so, so incredibly unfair. Maybe if my groundbreaking legislation is successful in the schools we can try it in the inner-cities, but I doubt it.
My father, Fred, used to say to me all the time, “Donny, I’ll say this for you: You never let a lousy idea stop you.” Well, as you can imagine, that always meant a lot to me.
Before I announce my formal legislation, for now, all of the flags will be flown at half staff for about a week and maybe even longer. Obama never flew the flags at half staff for longer than a week which was just awful. I remember the flags waving around and flying high after many of the shootings and all the Muslims cheering about it. I’ll never forget it. And every time the NRA tried to do something about it, Obama would stop them. So sad. So, so sad.
Speaking of the NRA, I will be talking to them behind closed doors with my race-relationship expert Stephen Miller about where we go next. I also hope the brunette will attend, what’s her name — Diane Leash. She’s a sharp one, folks. I know Sean likes her, too, so it will be very important she attends. Very important.
That is all I have to say on this for now, but stay tuned and we’ll see what happens. So for now, I will leave you with a quote from the bible that has helped me get through what has been a terrible time for me:
“An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth will carry ye through the Valley of Death.”
Donald J. Trump