(Editor’s Note: On February 14, 2017, President Donald Trump was joined by then-FBI Director James Comey, Attorney General Jeff Sessions and Vice President Mike Pence for a meeting of extreme national and global importance. enoughalreadynow.com was able to get a transcript of this conversation. It follows:)
Donald Trump: Welcome, everybody. Come in, come in. Where’s Mike?
Mike Pence: I am right here, Mr. President?
Trump: Where?
Pence (irritably): Here! Here, Mr. President! Right here!!
Trump: Ah, there you are. I tell ya, Mike, you are so white, you are actually invisible sometimes! Quite a trick. Can almost see right through you! Damnedest thing … We actually call him Casper, James. Hahaha … Of course, that kinda winds up Sessions. Nobody does white like he does. Eh, Jeff? Jeff?! Now where’d you go? Jeff?!
Jeff Sessions <irritably>: I am right here, Mr. President.
Trump: Oh, there you are. Well, who told you to sit down?
Sessions <red in the neck>: I-AM-standing-sir.
Trump: Well, of course you are. Of course you are …. Sorry. No need for that little neck to get all red now. Never ceases to amaze me how hot you southern guys get over the tiniest things, like the Civil War. Thank God for Roosevelt putting an end to all that nonsense, eh, James?
James Comey: <silent>
Trump: OK, some ground rules for this meeting: First, I am in charge, and everything is off the record and on background — whatever the hell that all means. I also might be taping this. Wait, strike that. I didn’t say that. OK, James?
Comey: <silent>
Trump: Anyway, what’s important here is I am in charge, er, even if the Director is very tall — incredibly tall, actually. I mean, look at those hands … those legs … My God, man … How tall are you James?
Comey: Er, 6-foot-8, sir.
Trump: Wow. That’s … tall. Very tall. Incredibly tall. Not at all short, that’s for sure! Well, I’m almost that tall. Only a few inches shorter. In fact, I was going to be that tall at one point, but then I said to myself, ‘Why would anybody want to be that tall?’ So I willed myself to stop growing. Completely and on every level. That tallness, James, it’s kind of a waste, but it looks good on you, did I mention that? Very good. Terrific, actually. <sigh> Stop looking at my hands, Jeff.
Trump: OK, we’ve wasted enough time on James’ incredibly height … I bet all the girls loved you, though, James, eh? What was that like?
Pence: Mr. President? Please. Maybe we should proceed?
Trump: Yes, yes, sorry. Now what were we here for?
Pence: You wanted to discuss the Russian investigation and General Flynn?
Trump: Ah, yes. This was all Hillary’s fault. Her damn emails. And Benghazi, too. Lying Hillary. And have you ever noticed how big her ankles are? Cankles is what I call ’em. Hahaha. And those pants suits …
Pence: Sir! Please …
Trump: Yes, right. James, a man of your enormous height can see what we are dealing with here. Hillary and Obama clearly set us up, and left us with an awful mess. I spend half my time trying to figure everything out when Steve (Bannon) isn’t around figuring out the rest. Good man, Steve. He’s pretty tall, too, but woefully out of shape. Sad. Anyway, we need to wipe the slate clean and start over around here. All this Russian nonsense. Incredibly, incredibly taxing on me. And I mean that literally <wink, wink> I am sure you would agree?
Comey: <silent>
Trump: Yes, well … Huh, I see Mike already left the room. Jeff maybe you better join him so I can have a private chat with James.
Pence: I am still standing right here, Mr. President.
Trump: Of course you are, Mike. Damn … just amazing how hard it is to see you sometimes. Anyway, on your way …
<Sessions and Pence depart the room>
Trump: Look, General Flynn … He was incredibly, incredibly important to getting me elected and giving me the opportunity to clean up this awful, awful mess Obama left me in. Did you know North Korea has got its missiles pointed at Australia as we speak? I shouldn’t say this, but I am thinking about sending an armada of incredibly powerful ships and submarines up to Australia to protect them. I bet you would have been too tall to get on a submarine, James, am I right? I mean you are so incredibly tall …
Comey: <silent>
Trump: Right, right … Well anyway, I hope you can see your way clear to letting this go, to letting Flynn go. He is a good guy. I hope you can let this go.
Comey: I agree he is a good guy.
Trump: There! See?! See?! We are connecting here. I knew it. I knew we would! Two great, powerful men like you and me … Jeff and Mike? Nice enough fellas, I guess, but weak. And not tall like you and me. Guys like us get it. And we get all the young babes, too, don’t we? Wanna know what I really do when I go to Mar-a-Lago? Hahaha. Anyway …
Comey: <silent>
Trump: I am glad we had this conversation, James. We have really connected here — bonded. I can tell you like me. And you know I like you. And that height! Well … After you kill this silly Russia Investigation and lay off, General Flynn, I’ll have you and the Mrs. down to Mar-a-Lago for some real fun. Or maybe just you, eh? Get it? Hehehe. But we’ll talk more about all this later. For now, thanks again.
Comey before exiting: Do you think your secretary could provide me with a pen and paper?
Trump: Anything for you, James. Anything ….
