A young and powerful Donald Trump towers over Justin Trudeau as he prepares to teach the “snot-nosed kid” a lesson in diplomacy. As always, Trump was incredibly humble and great during his short stop at this unimportant meeting.
THE WHITE HOUSE
Saturday, June 9, 2018, 9:56 a.m.
First, I just want to tell you that I am writing this Very Important Letter on my way to The Overseas to stabilize the world on the fabulous Air Force One. Of course while it is fabulous and terrific, it is way too expensive, folks, and if my company (by the way, the one I have digested from), had built it, it would be incredibly, terrifically cheaper. But that’s not what I want to write about today in this Very Important Letter.
I want to write about pardons today, and how it is so important that I am able to pardon whoever I want to pardon no matter what. I told this to Angela Merkel today when I was in Canada as the guest of honor at some stupid meeting nobody would invite Rusher to on my way to The Overseas to create world peace and end nuclear war. I told Angela that I could probably pardon Hitler if I wanted to, but it might not be a good idea because it would upset my base. I am still considering it, though. Angela seemed to agree, but it was kind of hard to tell because she told me she wasn’t feeling well and didn’t want to throw up all over me. We don’t always get along, but she is very polite to me … for a German.
I also want to say, that I didn’t think it was very polite for my great, stupendous friend Emmanuel to spend the meeting speaking French to that snotty little kid who runs Canada, whatever his name is. They would just jibber and jabber away in French. Every now and then I heard the words “Mueller” and “Russia” and “Manafort” but that’s all I could understand. I am sure they were talking about how this Witch Hunt as been so, so unfair to me. So, so unfair … I appreciate that, but I wish they would have talked in English so I could have decoded better what great, terrific things they were saying about me.
But enough about my friends … Pardoning is what I want to talk about. I just want to say right off that I won’t pardon myself unless I absolutely have to. Right now I don’t think I will have to do that and either did Kim Kardashian who has tremendous love and support for me. And I just want to point out that I am pretty sure she is black, so all black people should consider that and vote for me. I am also going to pardon Ali. That will be the second black boxer I have pardoned in a month. The lying, stinking, awful Obama never pardoned a black boxer, because I think you can see now that he hates black people. I love them, folks, I just wish they would quit ruining our cities. I know it’s not all their fault, but it is most of their fault. I find that when they work for me they behave much better, so think about that folks. Think about that.
I also think that these football players who are kneeling during our National Anthem should consider kneeling before me and I will give them a pardon, too. Not everybody would do this, believe me, folks. I think it is disgusting and hurtful to all the men like me who have put their lives on the line to protect this country, and then have people kneel down when the most important song in the history of the world is playing. But I am prepared to meet them in the middle. If they kneel to me and beg their forgiveness I will pardon them and maybe a couple of other people they suggest, too, like Martin Luther King.
We all know not everybody would have the grace and class to pardon Martin Luther King but I have that class folks and am graceful enough to use that pardon if the NFL players kneel in front of me. We all know Martin Luther King burned down our cities because he was mad. I get it, I get mad, too, sometimes, but I wouldn’t burn down a city. I still haven’t shot anybody in the middle of 5th Avenue yet, which shows you what kind of incredible restraint I have. I should have shot at least a thousand people by now who have been so, so unfair and unloyal to me like John McCain. But I won’t shoot John and I might pardon Martin Luther King, which is really, really incredibly mind-numbing when you think about it.
There are many other people and things I am thinking about pardoning and I hope to have a full list when I get done in The Overseas building my incredible friendship with King John Uno. We have a come along way in the past year and I am already looking forward to hosting him at the fabulous Mar-a-Lago, home to the fattest steaks and skinniest women on the planet. By then all the nuclear weapons should be gone in Korea and we can talk about inviting them into the G-7 along with Russia.
I know that Emmanuel and Angela will be supportive of this great, incredible initiative even of that snot-nosed punk who runs Canada isn’t. I also want to say how incredibly disgusting it is that Mexico didn’t show up for the meetings. But I think it is because they are scared of me and should be. Anyway, I look forward to Russia and North Korea joining the team. When I let Vlad know this he will be very, very happy. I promised him I would do this and as you know, I don’t break my election promises.
For now, thank you for all your support of me. As always it means a lot, but a little more support for me would be very important.
Sincerely,
Donald J. Trump
