THE WHITE HOUSE
Saturday, June 3, 2017, 4:13 a.m.
Dear Europe:
I know you don’t like me very much right now. I get that. It’s sad. I have decided to take the unpresidented step of righting to you rather than construct tacticle tweets this morning.
You think I did a terrible, horrible thing by pulling my country out of the very bad, disastrous, job-killing Paris Peace Accord. Of course, you are wrong and I told many of you this when I was visiting your embarrassing countries on my recent history-making airplane trip. If I didn’t see you personally, I definitely said these things behind you’re back.
As President of the greatest country in the history of the world … I mean, besides maybe Russia, probably … I have a write to do what the American people want me to do. Especially if they agree with me. And believe me, most, if not all, do. Don’t pay attention to the lying media. They have it out for me. It started when they were very, very not so nice to my publicist John Miller many years ago. I learned then, they will say anything to get me, I mean him. Me … Forget it. Wear was I? Oh yeah, that is why I am writing directly to you, so the lying fake media doesn’t bend my words.
But about my history-changing airplane trip to the overseas. I think you know by now, that I have no regard for history. Just because things have been one way for thousands of years, doesn’t mean they have to stay that way. The people who elected me have scene enough of the years 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015 and 2016. They want to go back to 1952, when America was great. Did you know, and I was a 6-year-old back then, and very smart for my age, very. I new then, I was destined for great things. I got $200 a week for allowance and often had money leftover when I got the next $200. My father, who was a very tough, not so nice guy couldn’t believe how smart I was with money. He’d say. “Donald, someday you will be somebody elses problem.” I’ll never forget that. Never.
Anyway, 1952. Did you know that we could throw trash all over the place in 1952 and nobody cried about it like they do now? NOBODY. You didn’t know that did you?! I didn’t think so. We could do this for many years after that, 1953, 1954, 1955, 1956, 1957. Anyway, I think you get wear I am coming from. Well, actually … nobody cried about it until a week Indian came on TV. Soft. Baby. “People are littering. Waaah … Waaah …” And people wonder why Custer had such an easy time wiping them out. That’s because they were week, soft and didn’t no history like I do. The white man always wins. Except Hitler. But at least another white man wiped him out. See? Wear would we be without white men?
But let me get back to putting the world back together again after baling everybody out. And no, I am not talking about Africa here. Frankly, you will never here me talk about Africa.
I am talking about overseas where I went on my airplane trip. Except Saudi Arabia, who was very, very nice to me. Such good people. And they respect each other and there culture. Not like us. But they already took there country back and made it great again a very long time ago. I was very impressed. Very. Toby Keith told me this, two. What a guy he is. And white. See what I mean?
But overseas in Europe, it was not a good seen. Angela, and I just have to say this, but I am not a fan. Not a fan at all. You obviously forgot who lost those wars. It’s very, very disappointing. Now that Russia’s not on your side anymore, how does it feel? You see, we made up with Russia after almost obliterating them in World War II. They came to us at around 1952 and begged us to be there friends again. So we were and now we have a great — unbelievable, really — relationship with them. I just don’t see us getting to that point with you. You have been so mean to me. Nobody has ever been this mean to me. Except Hillary. Both women. Sad.
So I have decided that I will be giving the overseas some tough love. Believe me, I’d rather not do this. My father did this to me, though, and look at the result.
I also have to say before getting less serious, that I also am quickly losing faith with you, Macron. This is the thanks I get from you for my support. You won bigly in a landslide, just like I did. You need to look up to me more than you do. Just a suggestion for a new leader. Oh, and I know what you did with that clever handshake. I will be ready next time. Vlad doesn’t like you either, you know. Believe me. And you know this is true, because we speak often. Think about it, Russia’s on your left and we’re on you’re right. It’s like a bad sandwich. Nothing worse than a bad sandwich. Think about that one, pal.
OK, I think I have given you all enough to thing about. I appreciate you’re support and thank you for listening to me. I do see better days ahead, but first we all need to look backward.
You are welcome,
Donald J. Trump
