Donald Trump used his powerful weekly leader to let the world know he has taken over for Jesus while he rests in the clouds.
THE WHITE HOUSE
Sunday, November 19, 2017, 5:09 a.m.
Good Morning Christian America!
First, I need to point out what a joyous mood I am in this morning. And I am not even talking about my sky-high, threw-the-roof approval ratings that just came over Fox News this morning. According to them I am in the high-70s. Not where I’d like to be, but better than any previous president at this point in history except for maybe Franklin. But he invented electricity so you have to give him some credit. But he wasn’t a good Christian like I am, and that’s the point I want to make with my Important Letter this week.
I am very, very blessed, folks. Very. Most likely more than you, but that’s OK, I have used my blessedness to become president of the United States, which when you think about it is unbelievable. I mean how blessed is that?! I think Jesus had a lot to do with this, but mostly I just think I am highly blessed and a bit more touched than he was.
And unlike people in the states of Alabama and Georgia and Mississippi, and Memphis, I don’t need to go to church to feel joyous. I am very fortunate that way. Instead of going to church I can sit here and type these very, very important letters to you so you can understand what I am thinking without having to hear it from the lying, fake, stupid, awful media, which does nothing but lie about everything. And lying is very, very bad, folks, not good. This is why I am always careful to tell the truth about everything.
But the media lies about everything like Russia, and Hillary, and Obama, and climate change, and the economy, and the Nazis, the size of my crowds, and how many people voted for me, and my great speech to the Boy Scouts, and my weight, and healthcare, and the women I touched, and all the great people who serve me in my office, and other great people like Sarah, and Jared, and Mike Flynn, and Putin …
Talk about something that needs to be touched by Jesus, folks. If Jesus were alive today, I am sure he would be sick to his stomach by what has happened to America thanks to the evil, corrupt Democrats and the lying, fake, awful, demented media. He would probably just crawl up on the cross and kill himself all over again. And who could blame him? His father, God, wouldn’t that’s for sure. I’m sure his father wouldn’t want him to have to see what is going on right now. It must be very hard on God because he did such a terrific job raising Jesus, folks. It’s not easy being a father. Trust me. But I’ve done a terrific job with Ivanka and Donny Jr. and, um, Eric, and, er, the other two or three.
I think this is why Jesus just stays in the cloud and floats around with all the angels while all this bad stuff is happening down here. Someday I hope to do that, but not until I am done fixing America. I think Jesus appreciates all the work I am doing on his behalf. He should, anyway. But he does. He does.
So for now it is important that I am around doing God’s fantastic, terrific work. I here from good Christians all the time telling me, “Thank God for you, President Trump. Without you we would have an unholy society where black people ran around just killing everybody with guns and blowing their food stamps on steak and shrimp. You give us a sense of order and calmness. And you always tell it like it is, like Jesus always did.”
You know, all this reminds me of something my father, Fred, used to say to me all the time. He’d say, “Jesus Christ, Donny, no means no! But you just won’t listen. I swear, the devil’s terrified of you, too. It’s just amazing sometimes.”
Well, as you can imagine, that has always meant a lot to me. I’m not scared of the devil. Plus, I know what makes him tick, which is very, very important when you are negotiating with somebody. By the time the devil was done with me, he’d throw his hands up in the air and say, “There’s no way I can deal with this guy. No-way.”
Which takes me to Roy Moore and Al Frankenstein. Let me be clear I wish both of these men didn’t do these awful, disgusting things. But let’s remember, Jesus has forgiven Roy Moore already. This is very important. All the religious leaders in Alabama have verified this for me. Even the governor has confirmed this and she is an old, old woman! So if an old, old woman, Christian governor can forgive Roy Moore, well, so can I, the most powerful Christian probably in the entire world right now. Even the Pope knows this is true. It is kind of sad when you think about it.
Then there’s Al Frankenstein, who just rapes people right in front of the camera. Then he apologizes, like that is really going to help. You think Jesus cares that this lying, loudmouth feels bad about what he did and wants forgiveness? I mean, what world is he living in, folks? You did it, you are guilty and you should resign immediately, Frankenstein. I will say, you had good taste though, Frankenstein. She was a hot ticket, but way out of your league. Know what I mean, folks? Frankenstein with THAT?? Not in this world. Not in this world …
So let’s leave the good people like Roy Moore alone and elect them to the government so we can keep draining the swamp.
Because of the all the godly work I have been doing on behalf of Jesus lately, I am a bit tired and will be playing golf for the first time in a long time today. May God be with me on the golf course, right folks? I have been fighting a hook lately which is so, so unfair.
May Jesus walk around with you today and make you a lot stronger.
Donald J. Trump
