THE WHITE HOUSE BUNKER
Saturday, June 13, 2020, 5:34 a.m.
Dear Republicans,
First, I just want to tell you how hard these past two weeks have been on me. Actually, now that I think of it, the hell with that. I want to tell you how hard the last four months have been on me!!!!
Do you have any idea of what I have been going through????? What president has ever had to deal with all the things I have???? I will expect every American to be in mourning for me all day today. And normally I would thank you in advance for that, but what have you done for me up until now??? Nuth-ing. There’s your answer: NUTH-ING.
And I want to tell you right now, you aren’t going to like what I am about to type in this Very Important Letter, but you are going to sit there, shut up, read it, and then write me a damn check, so I can beat Sleepy Joe and continue to make white people’s lives — YOUR lives — as easy as possible … despite the fact, you don’t deserve it.
I was supposed to be EVERYWHERE all the time right now having my terrific rallies, selling millions of dollars in second-rate, Chinese merchandise and firing up bottom-of-the-barrel Americans to send me more and more money, so that I can continue to be the greatest president of all time for another four years or even longer if I wanted. This shouldn’t have been difficult.
Instead, I got a bunch of weak, sick people dying all over the place and black people getting fawned over like they really matter. Give me a break. They don’t. And YOU know it.
If this doesn’t make you as sick as it does me you are not a real Republican. You are like Mitt Romney, an overrated Moron Church member from Utah where they worship rocket ships and underwear. I see even fake Republicans like Lisa Murkowski out there looking like she just bit into an entire lemon tree when the fake media asks her a question about me.
Here’s what you say to the lying, fake, awful, disgusting media, Lisa: “Thanks to Donald Trump, who sends me millions of dollars, I can kill thousands and thousands of animals in my state and pollute the water so the fantastic oil companies can make millions of dollars and then kick that money back to other Republicans so that they can go murder animals and pollute the water in other places, so they can make more money and then kick that back, so that other states … and so on …
“It’s the circle of life, you Eskimo-loving dimwit.”
So here I am alone, in my bunker this morning, writing to you because you are all too stupid to find your asses with both hands. I do everything for you and this is the thanks I get.
Instead of being on the golf course right now, I am writing this important legislation to tell all you stupid, weak-kneed Republicans to step it up. Right now you are terrifically close to disgusting me FOREVER. I am DARING you to stay with me. Let’s see how tough you really are, because right now I have my doubts.
And hold on tight, you stupid rubes, if you think that me calling out Lincoln’s ending slavery was a “questionable thing to do,” and that choke-holds are “innocent and perfect” are as far as I am willing to go. I can go so low, I’ll make Bernie Madoff look like Jesus Christ. To quote from my favorite band Batman Turners Override, “you ain’t seen nuthin’ yet.”
Just two weeks ago I gassed Libtards and shot ’em with rubber bullets just so I could walk over to some church we all know I loathe, just so I could hold up a stupid Bible that you all KNOW I never read. So where’s the love?
Why, earlier this week, I also defied everybody and told them I will celebrate over 125,000 dead Americans by holding my first great, terrific rally in Tulsa, where they had the most successful lynchings ever. Just for good measure, I am going to make every, stinking MAGA who enters the place sign a statement that says if they get sick or die, it’s on THEM, not me.
And still, I ask again, where is the love, Republicans???
Hell, if that wasn’t enough I told all the world that the old coot who fell over and banged his head in Buffalo faked it! HE FAKED IT!!! Stupid loser. But where were you defending ME??? I must have missed that.
I see from my terrific polls that many of you are getting scared, like little babies. Wah, wah, wah … What kind of white people are you anyway??? Right now too many of you seem like you are incredibly soft. Scared. You make me sick.
You do know the KKK supports me and sends me millions of dollars every year, right? When’s the last time the KKK sent you a single dime? I bet never, that’s when.
All kinds of Nazi groups adore me. They think I am God. Better than Hitler! So who loves you, besides some fat, tattooed hobo who rides around in some broken down pickup truck with a flag that the Libtards got those weak babies at NASCAR to ban?? You all disgust me right now.
In a few hours I am going to head to West Point and gather our best and brightest as closely together as possible during a pandemic so they can hear me berate Nancy Pelosi, Sleepy Joe, Pocahontas and anybody else I can think of denigrating.
Where’s that phony, General Milley, now? I’ll tell you where — hiding.
You need to up your fucking game, or I am OUT, Republicans, and I am taking home all the money you sent me to share with my family, who, frankly, I loathe.
Just watch. I’ll turn it all over to Pence and his mother. You think he’ll tell you what you want to hear — what lies deep within your hearts? We all know only I can do that.
So here’s the deal: Ask not what you can do for your country, ask what you can do for ME.
For now, go fuck off.
-Donald J. Trump
