EXCLUSIVE: The Frenzied WH Meeting After Mulvaney’s Confession on Quid Pro Quo

(EDITOR’S NOTE: On Thursday, October 17, 2019, Donald J. Trump called an emergency meeting of his top advisers in the Oval Office as the fate of his improbable presidency hung by a slender thread …

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So, You Say You Want to be a Sportswriter …

So I slapped some clips together from a college paper I quit and went right down there and talked myself into that job. Actually, I spilled my guts all over the floor.

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In Explosive Staff Meeting Trump Goes After Pence and the Truth About Ukraine

As tensions in the White House reached a boiling point Wednesday night, an impeachment-ravaged Donald J. Trump called some key players together to move forward in his attack on the truth, the Kurds, America and Mike Pence.

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BOMBSHELL: What First Trump Call With Ukrainian Leader Sounded Like

Trump: “OK, last offer before I hang up and call Vlad to report on this conversation. One hundred tanks, 1,000 bombs, 50 cases of vodka, 100 kilos of you-know-what, and 25 airplanes. Think long and hard before answering.”

Zelenskiy: “OK, OK, deal. I see if I can’t make something up about Biden. Maybe there’s something.”

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Angry Trump Uses Important Letter to Say Yer Welcome to Thankful Alabama

Because I have been busy guarding Alabama from hurricanes, striking fear into the Taliban, and dealing with the awful, no-nothing, Secretary of the Exteriors Michael Bolton, I have not written you a Very Important Letter in two weeks.

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Trump Reassures America that Mar-a-Lago Will be Safe From Hurricane

Many, many people have told me that blowing up hurricanes with nuclear bombs is a brilliant idea, and that they can’t believe I could possibly even come up with it. So in the future when we are blowing up hurricanes with nuclear bombs, you can remember who never said it first but could have if he wanted.

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Trump Rips Farm Animals, Touts Tariff-Winning Farmers in Very Important Letter

Anyway, while I was busy running away from all the animals, a farm girl tackled me from behind and gave me something I’ll never forget, even if I can’t remember what it was. Whatever it was, though, it made quite an impression and I haven’t been back to a farm since. I think about that girl often, and how fast she could run. She ran like a goddam race horse and packed quite a wallop.

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With Everything on the Line, This is No Time for a Very Nice but Average Joe

Hell, damn near everybody likes Joe. He’s like the friendly neighbor up the street who always keeps his yard clean, waves as you walk by and is a helluva Little League coach. I respect Joe. He has spent his life as a public servant and while he has been on the wrong end of some pretty consequential calls in my opinion, I never questioned his heart or love of this country.

Those last two qualities right there should have disqualified Trump four decades ago.

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Trump Blasts Mueller for Not Ejaculating him, Warns Pelosi in Very Important Letter

And listen, Americans, my God, Vlad assured me in Helsinki they had nothing to do with our elections. I told everybody this in a powerful speech I gave while I was over there in Norway. That should have been the end of it right there. But, no, the lying, stinking, fake media had to keep reporting about it so that Mueller wouldn’t ejaculate me.

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EXCLUSIVE: What a WH Meeting Aimed at Further Stoking a Racist Fire Looks Like

Ivanka: <11 seconds of inaudible murmuring, followed by a gasp.>
Trump: “Maybe later, sweetie. I just ate. Now where was I, before Dick so rudely interrupted me?”
Stephen Miller: “You were talking about making America greater and mightier and more powerful than it’s ever been, fuhrer!”

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